A Health Hiccup!

One thing that will always stand out in my mind as miraculous
that happened  during those years was God ‘hooking’ me up with
the wonderful man who was to become my soulmate, partner,
best friend and eventually, spouse.  Not that we knew  way
back at the beginning of course!   I just knew that he was the
handsomest, classiest guy I’d ever seen and was totally unable
to figure out what on earth he saw in me!!    But after that first
date?  We never looked back!     
 
The regulars at Mr. Omelet thought he was great….said we were
a match made in Heaven because like Bob said, “He never talks
and she never shuts up!!”  (Slight exaggeration!)
 
One thing I have to cover is a hiccup that occurred in 1993.   I had
some female issues that wouldn’t quit so I went to a hospital in
Greensboro.  They found something hinky in the test results so
they called me back a few weeks later to have me come back in.   
Told me I had some kind of rare uterine cancer!   Blew me
away because I’d had my pap smears & check ups every year like
a good little girl….so how did they not find it earlier?    Turns out,
that this type of cancer didn’t show up on a normal pap…  if it
runs in your family, they give you a special test every two years
to check for it.      Unfortunately, I’d been adopted, so I had no
family history, hence, no red flags.  Plus, with no insurance
there was also no motivation to run expensive tests.
 
So now, according to them?   I needed an immediate
hysterectomy, followed by some intensive chemotherapy and
even after all that, my prognosis was less than 18 months
because it was so far advanced.
I can still remember the doctors face when I informed him that,
sorry there wasn’t gonna be any operation OR chemotherapy….
I’d just leave it in God’s hands.    He sputtered, “But if you just
leave you’re going to die!!”    I retorted, “So are you, Doc…we’re
all gonna die….unless  your name’s Elisha ain’t no one figured
out a way around it yet.   I’ll die when God’s ready for me to
die and not one second sooner or later!” And away I went!     
 
What it did do was make me think about the kids.    So I asked
one of my regulars at Mr. Omelet;  we called him simply Ramsey.   
He was one of the best criminal attorneys in Winston-Salem,
who stopped in the diner once, sometimes twice a day for coffee
lunch and/or breakfast, etc.    We spent a lot of time talking.     
So I asked him one day, “Just for chuckles, what happens to my
kids if I die single without a will?”   He said, “Well, if you’re
UNmarried, custody would automatically go to your ex-
husband, their dad.”  Well, the thought of THAT was enough
to give me nightmares!!  
The last thing I wanted was my EX in charge of the welfare of
my children!
I’d been dodging for years my mom’s attempts to get the kids
up there.  She’d tried everything, but I  was adamant….they
were NOT going back to the situation I ran from!!    But I knew
beyond a doubt that if something happened to me, she’d be on
the next flight down to Dixie with her checkbook and my ex 
would sell them in a heartbeat rather than have his life  
interrupted in any way by growing children!
 
So I laid it out for Ramsey and asked, “How do I stop her from
doing that?”
He said, “Easiest way is to find someone who cares about your
kids as much as you do and marry him.    If he’s your husband
at the time of your death, he also has custody of your kids.   
Doesn’t matter how much money your mother has,  the courts
are not going to let some rich Yankee come down here and
re-write our laws.”
 
I knew for sure that Rich was not in a position or a frame of
mind to marry me or anyone else right then.    And although I
loved him even then with all my heart I wasn’t exactly 
 able to wait it out!  I had to protect my children at all costs!    
So I went to my best friend at the time, Buddy and asked him,
“Hey Bud….whatcha doing Thursday? Wanna get married?”    
Poor guy just looked at me and said, “D?   You really shouldn’t
drink this early in the morning!!  It’s not even 10 o’clock!”
 
But once I explained, he jumped right on board.  He was gay
so it’s not like he was fixin’ to marry anyone in the forseeable
future, he was my roommate anyway, there was no doubt at all
that he loved my kids like they were his own and he was NOT
going to be intimidated by anyone for any reason….  once
someone made him mad he was about as agreeable as a angry
pitt bull!     In other words?   No more worries about my Mom
swooping down here and swiping my kids.
 
Now breaking the news to Rich wasn’t exactly the most fun
I’d ever had,  but he understood my putting the children’s
welfare first.   My marriage to Buddy was one of convenience
only and wasn’t ever consummated of course — hardly anyone
even knew about it except those who had to.  But it sure took 
a lot of pressure and worry off me!
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One response to this post.

  1. I remember this..he and I sang air supply and reo in ur living room when I was pregnant in 1994..

    Reply

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